Well maybe, maybe not, we'll have to see. Last year I decided rightly
or wrongly to take the unusual step of applying to audition for the show, mainly because of the dire situation the UK Government
has inflicted on places of entertainment which in turn has placed many restrictions on myself and many other entertainers
in our efforts to provide a good service. Expensive drinks, expensive transport for getting you there and back home, legislation
that the venues have to adhere to to remain in business, etc.
Despite the fact that there is nothing better than to perform in a smokeless environment, to suggest that in an effort
to alleviate so called passive smoking it is healthier
for people to smoke outside in this country, particularly in the winter, is ridiculous. In fact it is obviously more unhealthy
and has put a great many off going out, period. The majority of my audiences have now taken to buying cheaper drinks from
the supermarkets, staying at home, maybe inviting friends around because home now seems to be the only place where you have
the freedom to do what you choose.
Of course health is
not the true reason for the smoking ban and yet it is,
but only because the pharmaceutical companies are lining certain
individual's pockets so's that the companies can make even more profits from their products. You only have to look
at how they are getting the EU to legislate to limit health supplements to know that they have the clout and have long reaching
arms with which to do so.
Whether it be drugs or medicines, chewing
gum or nicotine patches, the pharmaceutical companies want your money, whether
it be from prescriptions or over the counter, they want it all and are willing to do anything to get it. What I don't
get, particularly with the smoking ban, was how easy it was
to get everyone to tow the line, we could have just totally ignored the so called legislation and given the pubs and clubs
the option of keeping their customers or not.
Look, let's
be honest, smoke too much and it could kill you, eat too much and it could kill you, drink too much and it can kill you, but
everything in moderation is no big deal, and if you do occasionally overdo it, health supplements can help, but not if we
allow the pharmaceutical companies to have their way.
These faceless bureaucrats have put you, the public, off going out to the pubs which in turn has
put me off entertaining in the pubs. They have inflicted themselves on both you and I doing what we enjoy doing, me entertaining
and you being entertained.
Anyway where was I, oh yes, Britain's Got Talent. Well to cut a long story short, I was invited to audition last November
and called back to do the programme at the Lowry in Manchester in January. Now I had a decision to make, was I going to perform
a Roy Orbison number, which is my speciality, or perhaps a song from the musicals, which my wife Sue thought I should I do, and if I'm honest probably would have clinched it if only I'd have strung the judges along
with a plaintive tale requiring their empathy.
In the end
I thought that if I was going to be true to myself then I would need to perform one of my own songs, which is what I did. The song I chose to perform goes down well in UK venues and with other european nationalities
I entertained whilst working on the island of Corfu, which is where, coincidently, the song Saying Hello Waving Goodbye was concieved. It was my baby, it is commercial and catchy and must surely be the right thing
to do. Wrong!
I had already detected that there was some sort of atmosphere with the judges even before I started. They had added Kelly Brook as a fourth judge and was probably the issue as they did not keep her on after the Manchester
auditions, although to be fair it was probably her good self that kept me on the stage a lot longer than I could have been.
Anyway it was Kelly Brook who introduced
me, I was allowed to talk to the audience to get them to join in (and on my side) before I began my performance. Simon Cowell confirmed with me that it was my own composition and I started up. I had the audience with
me all the way and got them clapping and singing along. Then, Simon Cowell buzzed, then Piers Morgan buzzed, then Amanda Holden buzzed, but it
was Kelly Brook that allowed me to carry on for while longer before
she too buzzed me off!
Amanda thought my song was pants! Piers said nothing!? Simon asked how many CD's I had
sold, I don't know why but I replied about 200, when truth be known it is somewhere in the region of 2 to 3,000, including
cassettes, which is quite good for someone selling there own CD's just at venues. I can't remember if Kelly said anything else but she looked good. Ant and Dec gave their commiserations, and Stephen
Mulhern? Well the less said the better.
For what was required
I probably chose the wrong song to perform, I should have thought of an angle, it is a TV programme after all and the producers
will always be suckers for an angle, you know, having stage
fright for 10 years or something of that nature.
As for being
a professional entertainer and being tarred with the same brush as some of the incredibly bad acts, ie finger knitting, if you can call that an act!!! I could say that that was an insult
but to me that would just be sour grapes, so I'll just wish all those who were lucky enough to impress the judges the
best of luck, because after all, it seems to me that Britain's
Got Talent is just another game of chance.
As for next
year, who knows, if Britain's Got Talent survives the recession,
I might have another go, but I really will have to think of an angle!
